12/365 – Forgiving my body

Yesterday we touched upon the importance of forgiveness, but I wanted to go into how it relates to MG today.

As Louis Zamperini showed in his ability to do this for the camp guards who oversaw his horrific treatment as a prisoner during WW2, forgiveness is the only way to find peace with the past, and for the present and future.

No matter what you have to let go of, we all know the actual act of forgiving something or someone is a lot harder than simply talking about it. It requires courage to not allow the negatives in life to shape us and it requires a huge heart to make peace with someone who has let us down. But what about when your own body requires forgiveness?

If you are diagnosed with a condition like myasthenia when you are young, you may feel you have been robbed of certain experiences that your peers may have. Learning to forgive, whether it’s the family member that passed on the hereditary MG gene or your own body for turning on itself, is essential for coping healthily with your condition. It’s the only way to move beyond the grieving process and figure out how to make the most out of what you’ve been given.

I know this because it took me several months to forgive my body for what it had inflicted upon me. When I first found out, I felt sorry for myself and reverted to smoking quite heavily having given up for months. I also drank like a fish, worked all hours, ate a lot of junk food and stopped exercising. I told my body that if it could turn on me, then I was going to see how it felt when I reversed the cruel treatment.

However, doing this while starting on medication didn’t work so well. I believe it took a lot longer for the drugs to start working fully because of the punishment I was inflicting and within 3 months my right eye was completely closed and my left was 3/4 closed. Not to mention the fact that my speech and swallowing were still affected. My right eye has never fully recovered and I often wonder if it ever will.

So what helped me to forgive in the end? Time definitely helped, as did
being able to speak to people who love me and others with the condition about it. Finally, the realisation that made me stop behaving like my own worst enemy was that my body is a pretty incredible machine. I realised I should be thanking it for withstanding all the abuse it had taken and for reacting well to the drugs when given a chance. My body also waited until I was mature enough (excluding those first few woe is me months) to handle MG – I can’t imagine the added struggle of getting the an MG diagnosis during my angsty teen years.

I’m truth, I am able to live a full life, with the help of modern medicine, and it has gotten a lot more rewarding since I chose to forgive my rogue immune system. I never did a make up free selfie last year because I couldn’t face it at the time, but today I forgive my body enough to post this one (it helps that my eyes look near normal today and I have a post workout glow)

What a difference a week makes:

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