124/365 – Saying ‘I can’t’ because of myasthenia

Yesterday I took a notion that I want to run the London marathon next year for Myaware. The marathon length run is a challenge I’ve longed to take part in ever since I completed my first half four years ago. 

Three years ago I found walking the same distance agony due to my ruptured cruciate ligament, yet when I was walking that distance all I could think was how much easier running it would be. The eight hours down to four – the pain potentially worse but the recognition greater. 

However, when I was speaking it through with Elaine, the matter of whether I could complete it came up. Whether I would be putting myself in a lot of risk. Last year when I raced the last section of the Hackney half marathon, I got such severe cramp in one legs that I couldn’t move it – what would my body be like for double the distance? 

With the combination of my knee and my MG, if I say ‘I can’t run a marathon’ am I telling the truth? Is that fear talking or my, often absent, sensible voice? I was encouraged growing up to never say ‘I can’t’, and now this idea is prominent culturally with the #thisgirlcan etc campaigns. But in this case, my body may not be able to physically take the strain of a marathon.

I think the only way to know is to try a longer run over several hours – stopping if and when I need to. Rather than signing up, and committing to raising funds for Myaware, I should see whether I am able to go close to the distance. I want to believe that with enough training it’s achievable, but I won’t let my stubbornness put me at risk. Perhaps I’ll need to create my own challenge again. 

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