331/365 – Missed consultant appointment

So yesterday was the first time ever that I’ve missed a myasthenia medical appointment and I’m really annoyed at myself. I know that it’s probably inevitable at some point, but there are so many reasons why this was not a great time for such a slip up. Some of these are:

1. Time to get another one

After realising I missed my appointment, I quickly called the receptionist at the clinic to try to re-arrange. The next appointment I could get was May. If I can’t get this changed, it will be nine months rather than three between appointments. 

2. The value of missed appointments 

I firmly believe that we are incredibly lucky to have the National Health Service in this country. In fact, if anyone moans about it in front of me they tend to get an earful about just how lucky we are. So to waste NHS money and time makes me angry at myself – it’s not something I will ever take lightly and I will most definitely not be doing it again anytime soon.

3. The shame

Speaking to the receptionist about my missed appointment was horrible – whether she was bothered or indifferent, I felt like I could hear the disappointment in her voice. I tried to explain but know that nothing I say will be good enough. This is complete projection on my part, but I will be nervous about going into the reception for my next appointment. 

4. Unanswered questions 

After all the guilt and frustration, the final thing I’m frustrated with myself for is all the unanswered questions I have. As a new nurse is due to start, I shouldn’t have to hang on until May. But it’s doubtful that I’ll be able to change my medication without seeing the consultant and I’m keen to lower the immunosuppressant. As usual, I have a million questions stored up too which will have to wait for now. 

No matter how hard I tried to work out my frustration at the gym, I’m going to be annoyed at my myself for the next while. However, it has meant that I’ve overhauled how I track appointments and hopefully the new quadruple check system will ensure that this does not happen again.