The recent discussions about TV show the Undateables, specifically the rugby player with Tourette’s and aspergers, have got me thinking this week and ready to try a little experiment…
First of all, I am allergic to the term Undateable due to the suggestion that those with disabilities are inferior to ‘dateable’, read normal, people. Being ‘Undateable’ is subjective – some people wouldn’t be who I would choose to date but others would.
If anyone ever suggested to me that I was Undateable because of myasthenia, I would question whether being shallow and rude makes someone a better catch.
However, from what I can see, some of the show’s participants feel that they are undateable and that’s a really sad statement about the society we live and love in.
It made me think about what dating is like now and whether people with disabilities like myasthenia are at a disadvantage. In the swipe left culture of dating apps and websites, where matches are selected entirely based on looks, where does that leave people with disabilities who want to date?
I’ve heard many friends’ stories about their frustration with online dating for this very reason, but I think it goes deeper than the shallowness. Love is rich and complex, whereas dating seems to be just complex with a lot of waiting to see whether that person they went on one date with, who has a spark of potential, thinks they’re good enough. Unless you check every box, there is the possibility that there is always a better choice out there.
Anyway, now for the experiment. I’ve decided (if Elaine will let me) to put a symptomatic picture up on a dating website to see what the response is like. It’ll need to be one of the free ones as my budget for this is zero but I’ll keep you updated.
Do you have myasthenia and any dating stories to share?