This month marks my 3 year anniversary of myasthenia gravis diagnosis. I realised this today with a bit of a shock and found myself asking how 3 years could feel so long and short at the same time?!
Where I was 3 years ago
September 2013 – I had had an incident in March where my right eye had gone squint over night. After lots of tests at Moorfield Eye Hospital, I was given the all clear and 2 weeks later the eye was back to normal. I let out a sigh of relief and put it out if my mind for fear that thinking about it might make my eye go squint again. But in September the double vision brought on by the squint eye crept back and as I sat at work not knowing which screen was the real one, I knew I had to get back to the hospital. Panic struck – once could be bad luck but twice was a pattern.
I was told that I had suspected myasthenia gravis and a diagnosis had been sent to my old address in April. 6 months of knowing about the condition without treatment felt unfair and as the symptoms progressed over the coming months I got angry about it.
As I’m sure many of you can relate to, hearing you have myasthenia gravis for the first time is upsetting and terrifying. What is it? What does it mean for me? Googling it didn’t make me feel any better – in fact I started to panic that life as I knew it was about to rapidly change. And it did.
Before I received my first appointment with my consultant and therefore received treatment, my vision was almost permanently double, I started to have difficulties with speech, I struggled swallowing and couldn’t really eat around people due to awkwardness of it all.
For a long time after September 2013, I was in a difficult place both mentally and physically.
Between Sept 2013 and Sept 2016
1 thymectomy- an operation to remove the thymus gland
2 specialist consultants
4 different kinds of medication
The pleasure of attending 5 Myaware meetups
I’ve written more than 365 blogs about living with the condition.
3 years on and I often forget I have MG. After seeing my new Edinburgh-based consultant, I’ve cut out 1 drug and, as I’m doing well, I should be gradually reducing another shortly. I’m in drug induced remission according to the doctor and we’re testing whether that will hold as I take the drugs away…a bit like a game of Jenga.
Since my move back to Scotland, my quality of life is superb which in turn has helped my symptoms stabilise and reduce. My work-life balance is…balanced and the stress I feel in Edinburgh, compared to London, is minimal. I now get the occasional ptosis (eyelid droop) and I get exhausted still if I over exert/indulge myself, but that’s about it. Both of those things aren’t too hard to live with when I look back to the alternative experience 3 years ago.
On the over indulgence point, I’m currently taking a month off from alcohol mainly to rest my liver after a rather boozy summer. But I’m also keeping a close eye on how my energy levels are without alcohol in my life as I’m not averse to cutting it out for good.
I’ve felt strong enough recently to try a host of outdoors sports: kayaking, paddle boarding and Munro (Scottish mountains over 3,000ft) climbing (as pictured with my friend Steph). Each of these adventures were challenging but I managed without any MG-related difficulties. This is on top of 3 fitness sessions a week.
And most importantly, I’m writing almost every day. Whether anything will ever come of it or not, I’m really enjoying the discipline and the creative outlet that it gives me. Having the mental space and quiet to do that is something I couldn’t of dreamed of 3 years ago.
3 years is a long and short time
While much has changed over the last 3 years I know that in another 3 years time, everything will likely be different again. I might have had a crisis (where your muscles stop working properly) but I might also have trekked to Everest base camp, I might have had to give up working full time or I might be running a team. That’s the problem with MG – it fluctuates so all I can do is try to keep myself strong, follow the doctors orders and, most importantly, listen to my body.